I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
