I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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