I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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