i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
