My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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