A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's official drugs can't kill me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
