If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
