well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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