Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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