you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We got so high we made milksteak
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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