there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize