I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I need water and some morals
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
