I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
