Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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