Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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