i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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