Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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