There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
