Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize