I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize