What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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