I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
