a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize