I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
