you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
