My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
