She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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