I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
