Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
