is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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