You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
