I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
