This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
