I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
