Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is the high leading the old right now
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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