The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
