Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
