pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
