Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize