best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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