You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
