Soap is not a condiment
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
