Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
