I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
