So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
