Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
