I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
