Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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