The maid of honor just puked.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
