Umm I'm too high to move.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
