I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
