It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
