I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
