Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
