he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
