Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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