fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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