is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
