Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
