u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
