i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
