I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
