I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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