she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
