I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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