So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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