she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
