ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
