Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
