i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
