Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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