Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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