Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
